The secrets of true love

Find True Love

Secrets of love

What are the Secrets of love?

There’s a beautiful story that tells how a man and a woman randomly pass each other on a street and how they each have an overpowering intuition that the other is the perfect partner for them.
As they do a double-take of their emotions, they turn around and look back at each other; and when they see one another looking at the other they each smile. They somehow muster the strength to mouth the word “hello’, then the courage to stop and speak to one another. They end up walking and talking. They get along perfectly!
It seems too perfect, too good to be true. Their own self-doubts creep into the conversation. So to make sure they’re supposed to truly be together, they decide to part without exchanging contact details and let fate decide if they meet again. They agree that if their paths do cross again that they’ll marry on the spot.
Days pass, weeks pass and turn into months ,then years as they don’t pass each other. They eventually go out with other people; others who are not their true love, but who provide some convenient sort of romantic love. Many years later they pass each other on the street again.
But so much time has gone by and things have changed that they don’t even recognize one another. Their moment, their chance to connect and live a life of true love had passed.
The story, initially by Japanese author Haruki Murakami, has changed a bit in the translation but still highlights how you have to be brave, to trust your intuition and to smile. You have to get out and get up the courage to speak to someone whom may be the love of your life. If you don’t, you’ll never know.
What have you to lose? If you speak up only to find that person isn’t the love of your life you’ve probably still learnt something and better know what you’re looking for in a partner. You may walk by such people each month, maybe even each week; people that you’re not just attracted to physically, people with whom you sense there’s something more.
Turn around and smile!
What to look for
True love is more than something physical, more than something romantic, emotional or even mental – it’s all of these combined. This means you shouldn’t seek someone whom you’re just physically attracted to. Rather, look for a partner whose energy adds to yours – and yours to theirs – to find true love.
A good friend summed this up when he said he was “looking for a partner who made him feel alive”, who made his energy “tingle” when he was next to them.

 Every human being is capable of love but unfortunately, many have crippled themselves with all kinds of stupid belief systems, opinions, philosophies, ideologies – everything except life. If you are life, it is very natural to love.

People either profess to love God or believe God loves them. The assumption is that love is a quality that needs to be imported from Heaven. But does anyone really know whether God loves or not? We bow down to whoever created this grand creation – a creation that boggles the mind. We bow down to the creator, but you don’t know whether he is love or joy or peace.

Love is a human emotion. Human beings are capable of love when they are willing. Unfortunately, we want to export everything that is beautiful in our life to heaven and live wantonly on this planet. Love, joy, blissfulness – these are human possibilities.

Love is not a mutual benefit scheme

One day Shankaran Pillai went to a park. On a stone bench there sat a pretty woman. He went and settled down on the same bench. After a few minutes he moved a little closer to her. She moved away. Again he waited for a few minutes then inched a little closer to her. She moved away. He waited, then inched even closer. Then she moved to the very end of the bench. He reached out and put his hand on her. She shrugged him off. He sat there for a while, then he went down on his knees, plucked a flower, gave it to her and said, “I love you. I love you like I have never loved anybody in my life.”

She melted. Nature took over and they had their way with each other. It was getting late in the evening; Shankaran Pillai got up and he said, “I need to leave. It’s eight o’clock. My wife will be waiting.”

She said, “What? You’re leaving? Just now you said you loved me!”

“Yes, but it’s time. I need to go.”

Unfortunately, what most people call love is just a mutual benefit scheme. Generally, we have made relationships within frameworks that are comfortable and profitable for us. People have physical, psychological, emotional, financial or social needs. One of the best ways to fulfill these needs is to tell people, “I love you.” This so-called “love” has become like a mantra: open sesame. You try to get what you want by saying it.

Every action that we do is in some way to fulfill certain needs. If you see this, there is a possibility that you can grow into love as your natural quality. But people go on fooling themselves into believing that the relationships they have made for convenience, comfort and wellbeing are actually relationships of love. I am not saying there is no experience of love at all in those relationships, but it is within certain limitations. It does not matter how much “I love you” has been said, if a few expectations and requisites are not fulfilled, things will fall apart.

There is really no such thing as conditional love and unconditional love. It is just that there are conditions and there is love. When you talk about love, it has to be unconditional. The moment there is a condition, it just amounts to a transaction. Maybe a convenient transaction, maybe a good arrangement – maybe many of you made excellent arrangements in life – but that will not fulfill you; that will not transport you to another dimension. It is just convenient.

The Meaning of True Love

When you say “love,” it need not necessarily be convenient; most of the time it is not. It takes life. Love is not a great thing to do, because it eats you up. If you have to be in love, you should not be. The English expression “falling in love” is very significant. You don’t climb in love, you don’t walk in love, you don’t stand in love, you fall in love. You as a person must be willing to fall, only then it can happen. If your personality is kept strong in the process, it is just a convenient situation, that’s all. We need to recognize what is a transaction and what is truly a love affair. A love affair need not be with any particular person; you could be having a great love affair, not with anybody in particular, but with life.

What you do, what you do not do, is according to circumstances around you. Our actions are as the external situation demands. What you do outside is always subject to many conditions. But love is an inner state – how you are within yourself can definitely be unconditional.

The Next Step

Love is a quality. It is not something to do with somebody else. Love is never between two people. It is what happens within you, and what happens within you need not be enslaved to someone else. For fifteen to twenty minutes daily, go sit with something that means nothing to you – maybe a tree, or a pebble, or a worm or an insect. After some time, you will find you can look upon it with as much love as you do your wife or husband or your mother or your child. Maybe the worm does not know this. That doesn’t matter. If you can look at everything lovingly, the whole world becomes beautiful in your experience. You realize love is not something that you do; love is the way you are.

Sadhguru: Every human being is capable of love but unfortunately, many have crippled themselves with all kinds of stupid belief systems, opinions, philosophies, ideologies – everything except life. If you are life, it is very natural to love.

People either profess to love God or believe God loves them. The assumption is that love is a quality that needs to be imported from Heaven. But does anyone really know whether God loves or not? We bow down to whoever created this grand creation – a creation that boggles the mind. We bow down to the creator, but you don’t know whether he is love or joy or peace.

Love is a human emotion. Human beings are capable of love when they are willing. Unfortunately, we want to export everything that is beautiful in our life to heaven and live wantonly on this planet. Love, joy, blissfulness – these are human possibilities.

Love is not a mutual benefit scheme

One day Shankaran Pillai went to a park. On a stone bench there sat a pretty woman. He went and settled down on the same bench. After a few minutes he moved a little closer to her. She moved away. Again he waited for a few minutes then inched a little closer to her. She moved away. He waited, then inched even closer. Then she moved to the very end of the bench. He reached out and put his hand on her. She shrugged him off. He sat there for a while, then he went down on his knees, plucked a flower, gave it to her and said, “I love you. I love you like I have never loved anybody in my life.”

She melted. Nature took over and they had their way with each other. It was getting late in the evening; Shankaran Pillai got up and he said, “I need to leave. It’s eight o’clock. My wife will be waiting.”

She said, “What? You’re leaving? Just now you said you loved me!”

“Yes, but it’s time. I need to go.”

Unfortunately, what most people call love is just a mutual benefit scheme. Generally, we have made relationships within frameworks that are comfortable and profitable for us. People have physical, psychological, emotional, financial or social needs. One of the best ways to fulfil these needs is to tell people, “I love you.” This so-called “love” has become like a mantra: open sesame. You try to get what you want by saying it.

Every action that we do is in some way to fulfil certain needs. If you see this, there is a possibility that you can grow into love as your natural quality. But people go on fooling themselves into believing that the relationships they have made for convenience, comfort and well being are actually relationships of love. I am not saying there is no experience of love at all in those relationships, but it is within certain limitations. It does not matter how much “I love you” has been said, if a few expectations and requisites are not fulfilled, things will fall apart.

There is really no such thing as conditional love and unconditional love. It is just that there are conditions and there is love. When you talk about love, it has to be unconditional. The moment there is a condition, it just amounts to a transaction. Maybe a convenient transaction, maybe a good arrangement – maybe many of you made excellent arrangements in life – but that will not fulfil you; that will not transport you to another dimension. It is just convenient.

The Meaning of True Love

When you say “love,” it need not necessarily be convenient; most of the time it is not. It takes life. Love is not a great thing to do, because it eats you up. If you have to be in love, you should not be. The English expression “falling in love” is very significant. You don’t climb in love, you don’t walk in love, you don’t stand in love, you fall in love. You as a person must be willing to fall, only then it can happen. If your personality is kept strong in the process, it is just a convenient situation, that’s all. We need to recognize what is a transaction and what is truly a love affair. A love affair need not be with any particular person; you could be having a great love affair, not with anybody in particular, but with life.

What you do, what you do not do, is according to circumstances around you. Our actions are as the external situation demands. What you do outside is always subject to many conditions. But love is an inner state – how you are within yourself can definitely be unconditional.

The Next Step

Love is a quality. It is not something to do with somebody else. Love is never between two people. It is what happens within you, and what happens within you need not be enslaved to someone else. For fifteen to twenty minutes daily, go sit with something that means nothing to you – maybe a tree, or a pebble, or a worm or an insect. After some time, you will find you can look upon it with as much love as you do your wife or husband or your mother or your child. Maybe the worm does not know this. That doesn’t matter. If you can look at everything lovingly, the whole world becomes beautiful in your experience. You realize love is not something that you do; love is the way you are.

How to love unconditionally

How to Love Unconditionally

We all have an inner desire to be loved and to love one another. When we talk about unconditional love, we sometimes mention how dogs love their owners. It doesn’t matter the mistakes we make raising a dog, the dog still comes back and still wants our attention.

This usually ends the talk on unconditional love, which has always bothered me. This may be because I am not a dog and nor do I want to love like a dog. It also doesn’t teach anyone how to love unconditionally. I think a better way to talk about unconditional love and how to love unconditionally is to be honest and open up and tell you how I learned the lesson.

“When I wake up in the morning I choose to love you.”

I meet my girlfriend in college and we had a lot of conversations about love and our views on it. Mine was very simple: “When I wake up in the morning I choose to love you.” I must have said this over and over to her. It didn’t matter how I felt about her or about me. If I just chose to love her every morning, then in my mind our marriage would last. If you look at society today, everyone gets married or starts a relationship because they fell in love.

Divorce or relationships end when the feeling subsides and neither person works on the relationship. This is how people fall out of love, so in my mind if I choose to love someone then this removes the emotion from it. Understand, I still fell in love with my girlfriend and soon she became my wife, all with the understanding that every day I wake up and chose to love her; that I chose to be devoted to her alone. If together we woke up every morning and chose to love one another, I figured we would have a marriage that would last, that would be affair-proof and one that we could both be proud of.

Simple ways to connect as a couple and rekindle love

• Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong.
• Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.
• Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place you've never been before.

Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humour can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress, and work through issues more easily.

Focus on having fun together

• Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers or a favorite movie home unexpectedly.
• Learn from the “play experts” together. Playing with pets or small children can really help you reconnect with your playful side. If it’s something you do together, you also learn more about your partner and how he or she likes to have fun.
• Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humour.

Learning how to play again

A little humour and playful interaction can go a long way in relieving tense situations and helping you see the brighter side. If you’re feeling a little rusty, learn more about how playful communication can improve your relationship, and for fun ways to practice this skill.

Relationship advice tip 3: Never stop communicating

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.

Learn your partner’s emotional cues

Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound, or touch. Your partner’s responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partner’s cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communication—while another might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea.

So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Non-verbal cues—such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm—communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending and receiving non-verbal cues. Learning to understand this “body language” can help you better understand what your partner is trying to say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you say “I'm fine,” but you clench your teeth and look away, then your body is clearly signalling you are not.

How to strengthen your loving relationship

Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:

What makes a healthy love relationship?

• Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
• Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right.
• Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too.
• Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Non verbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm—are critical to communication.

Relationship advice tip 1: Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed.

Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of cytotoxic, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touch—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is equally important.

Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want.

Relationship advice tip 2: Spend quality time together

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

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